In my Wildest Dreams

As Allie's birthday is getting closer and closer(we are officially 20 days away today) I have been thinking more and more about when we found out that I was pregnant. We were not trying in fact we were done. We didn't want any more kids and never even thought about it..I already had my hands full. When I walked out of the bathroom and got two lines on that test I cried. I sat in the floor and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. David was in there and although shocked said that we would figure it out. I didn't know what to do...Caleb was still a baby at 9 months old and still needed me so much and here I was pregnant. I couldn't take care of two babies at once and I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to give Caleb what he needed. I can't tell you how much I cried in the weeks that followed. I even spent the first few months of my pregnancy extremely detached from the entire situation. I remember slowly coming around and although not be estatic I knew I had to prepare and get things done. I remember stressing because money was tight and my mom stepping in and helping out when we got Allie's crib so that I wouldn't worry about it. When we found out that it was a girl David sobbed....it was all my husband and dad wanted....they wanted that little girl. I still had no idea what I had coming...I mean I had a good time shopping for the girl things and was shocked that I was looking at pink clothes and blankets but I had no idea my world was about to be rocked. Now I feel ashamed...I look at Allie and I am ashamed of how I reacted. I will never forgive myself for being upset and crying about her. Don't get me wrong....I love my boys but there's something different. There's a bond that I feel with Allie that I have never experienced in my life and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to put it into words. Now she is getting ready to turn one and I have so many hopes and dreams...no matter what she does whether it's the path I think she should follow or not she'll never disappoint me...as long as she's happy..I vow to always always ALWAYS be there for her and support her. I am so blessed...I was given one of the greatest gifts of my life and in the beginning I had no idea what an impact she would have on my life. 20 months ago I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined that I would get to see this face everyday...I mean seriously..does it get any better?

Wordless Wednesday

I HEART Faces-Hats

I HEART Faces is a photography blog that holds weekly contests for ordinary people like you and me and our everyday shots of the faces that we love. Check out their blog...you will quickly become addicted!

This week the challenge is Hats-This is a picture of Jacob taken when it snowed over the winter. Since we live in the south we very rarely get any snow that actually amounts to anything so this was a REAL treat. Everytime I looked at him he had a hunk of the snow in his mouth...it was as though he just couldn't get enough.

Whew!

I always go into the weekends with the best of intentions. I have a list of what I need to get done...most of the time my list isn't written down anywhere but in my head but still I have a list. Time always gets the best of me. I need to get all of the winter clothes put away and closets organized. I have tons of ironing and laundry to do and bathrooms that need to be cleaned along with a kitchen floor that needs to be swept and mopped. However Saturday morning David had to go to work for a couple of hours then we started with baseball and that lasted all day so very quickly Saturday was gone. I spent yesterday trying to get all my grocery lists and shopping done and by the time I got home it was 5 and time for dinner. I did not blog all weekend long..I checked them and commented but didn't actually post even though I did intend to. I did not get one load of laundry all weekend long and considering the amount of laundry that that I usually do over three days that means I've got a ton of laundry to do. So it's Monday and here I am with the best of intentions once again to get caught up and try to get things accomplished around here. We have a break from baseball...we don't have a game until Thursday but then it's baseball for six straight days after that which is normal for us most of the time. This coming weekend David is on call...of course that lands right on Mothers Day...my luck,huh? Here's hoping for a productive week!

Speaking of the ballpark...here's my precious girl at her second home...She's really been at the ballpark not counting the time when she was in my tummy since she was 3 days old so I guess she's used to it but this is where she spends a large portion of her time.

Friday Photo Flashback

Alicia is letting us do another week of Friday Photo Flashback and I'm excited to dig through my pictures and find another one to share with you all. Head over to her blog and show us what you have from your pre digital camera days...or as alot of mine are digital but I never saved them on my computer.



This is my Daddy. I honestly can't write what he means to me..my dad and I have been through hell and back and he has become one of the people that I hold dearest. I consider my dad one of my best friends in the world. My parents got divorced when I was just a baby and I'll tell you first hand that growing up in a household with divorced parents is by far not the easiest thing in the world to deal with. I spent years upset with my dad when I was older for the divorce and I held so much of it inside. I vividly remember the day that it all came out and I told him how I felt and I remember like it was yesterday how he sat right beside me and took everything that I said to him and respected my feelings. From that day on it was all different...I think I lived up until that very day thinking that could leave again at any minute but on that day I knew that he was there. I knew that what happened wasn't my fault and I knew that he loved me and wasn't going anywhere no matter what. After that it was as if everything was new..it was a fresh start. We still had our issues and we of course still argued about things as parents and children always do and I went through days that I thought I had the worst parents ever as a teenager but you know what I realize now is that he always loved me as deeply as is possible in this life. I remember so much that I have shared with my dad and I could sit and tell you stories as though they are happening now...I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with Lucas and I was a senior in high school and I remember having to tell him and seeing the pure disappointment in his eyes. I remember thinking that I had really screwed up and I was terrified that I would lose my dad..that we would never be close again. It took a while but we came back closer than ever and have never looked back. I remember when I met my husband and my dad and I went through a difficult time..I remember that everyone around me that loved me and had always supported me didn't think I was doing the right thing. They didn't think that I was making a smart decision and I needed to slow down. I also remember how my dad took my husband into his heart and treated him like his own son. I remember being so thankful that my dad was able to give my husband the love and closeness with my dad that he never got to experience as a child. I will never ever be able be thank my dad for what he has given to him. I remember when we told my dad that we were going to be having a girl...my dad wanted a granddaughter so badly and I remember finding out the day that my grandfather died. I remember the hug that my husband and dad shared and the pure joy in that room at that very moment. My dad always tells me that I give him too much credit and that he really isn't as great as I make him out to be....for the record I just have to say that he's wrong. My dad is the most amazing person I have ever known. I love and adore my dad and although I know that everyone makes mistakes in my eyes he can do no wrong. My dad is my hero and I will always be thankful for all he has brought to my life.


Okay so this flashback turned into a sort of tribute along with a flashback but once I got started I just couldn't stop.

Updates

I haven't updated for a while on all the kids so I figured I would use today to try and get some of their day to day happenings down before I forget them all. That's the great thing about blogging for me...I'm able to record some of the small things that I think I'd forget down the road to a degree if I wasn't able to write it down.

Lucas is in full swing with baseball..seems as soon as it starts they start talking about tournaments and all stars but I suppose that's just the way it works since we've dealt with that in previous years. He's really come around this year as an all around player....he plays catcher and love that position. He's an awesome catcher...constantly hustling and doing his part...sometimes he even gets excited and wants to play everyone elses positions too. So far this season they've played 7 games with our latest being last night and so far his team is undefeated. He's very excited for school to be out and tells me everyday how many days they have remaining. We're down to a month now and he's very anxious! I have to start planning some activities for the summer so they don't go crazy around here. I'm trying to find some low cost activities to keep everyone entertained throughout the summer.

Jacob is going through this attitude stage and I'm starting to really buckle down with him. If he's told no he bursts out in screams and cries and acts like it's tne end of the world while running to his room. For the first time ever yesterday I took away his tv and he was not happy about that. He asked me repeatedly if he could have it back and was very upset everytime I told him no. He is constantly talking back and really just acting like a brat half the time. I've had about all I can take of it so I'm trying to get him to start behaving and he's definitely not liking how it's happening.

Caleb is his regular fun self. He's talking up a storm and honestly it's the cutest thing ever!!! If I tell him to go get something he'll go get it but say "Don't leave me Mommy" "Wait on me Mommy" Just tugs at my heart. He is an outside boy...he loves to be outside and is having so much fun playing since the weather is nice. However when you're outside and playing you're going to fall down and get boo boos...when he does this it's over. He's scraped his knee a couple of times so far this season and when he does he cries and cries and cries and cries some more. He won't let you see it,touch it,put medicine on it or a bandaid. He cries for hours. It's insane..I've never seen anything like it....I'll call him my drama king.

Allie..well she's just Allie. Perfect as ever! She's sleeping better than she was when she was getting up every two hours but she's still not on a consistent schedule yet. She was doing great for a week or so and sleeping until 5 or 6 in the morning then eating and going back to sleep but the last two nights she's been waking up a couple of times a night. I think she's having dreams although I've heard people say that they don't dream this early. Yesterday she was giving Caleb and I high fives..when I'd say give me five and hold my hand up she'd put hers up with a big grin on her face...it was adorable. Caleb couldn't get enough of it and kept wanting her to give him five. When you give Caleb five or ten as he calls it he always says "one more". She's still not back to normal eating her food yet..she's taking her bottles great but after having her cold she isn't eating her food three times a day yet. She just won't take it and isn't interested. She's currently spending most of her time at the ballpark but is doing extremely well with it...she's pratically been there since she was born so I suppose she's used to it.

Several people have asked about David also and he's doing great. His work has finally picked back up and last week was the first week that he's had consistent work for the entire week in over two months. It's started heating up around here and the temps are hitting the eighties so people are starting to call for their ac now. He's also doing great with AA...he's still going although not everyday now..he's going to 4 meetings a week and although it's still stressful around here when he's constantly gone it's working for him so that's what matters for now. In about a week it will be 5 months for him alcohol free so things are going extremely well right now.

Okay long update but I felt like I needed to get it all down before I forgot it all with everything going on each day.

Wordless Wednesday