Tuesday, June 29, 2010


I've written before about my issues and the way I have or have not dealt with David's alcoholism. I have constant panic attacks because of it even to this day though people around me have no idea even though they might be standing right there when it happens. It is a struggle - a daily struggle. Out of all days it hit me on our anniversary what was really bothering me.

We went to eat dinner at a local Japanese restaurant after a very long day at the ballpark. This is one of our favorite restaurants and really on the rare occasion that we get to go out it is usually where we will choose to eat. My parents came over to watch the kids for a little while so that we could eat a quiet dinner together - or not so quiet as it turned out.

We sat at a pair of tables that had two of the most rowdy chefs in the entire restaurant apparently. They played off of each other like you wouldn't believe and were crass - boy it was unbelieveable. From the moment we walked in it was like we were sitting at a table of 18 instead of 8 and it was constant hoopla. I knew from the moment that the chef asked if anyone was celebrating anything and David said it was our anniversary that I was going to puke! From that moment on it all went downhill. The chef made a big deal out of the fact that we were there - really more of a show out of it than I have ever seen in a restaurant!!!! I was dealing with it until I heard him ask the waitress for some rice wine. I immediately had back to back panic attacks and was extremely nervous. David didn't even hear him but when I did I thought surely he's not getting that for us - I've never seen them do anything like that before in this restaurant let alone any other restaurant we've ever been to. That is until the waitress walks out with a large bottle of sake and 3 cups. For those of you that don't know sake is is Japanese liquor that is served hot and is very strong!!! I've only had it once - and whoo it'll burn your throat! As I wanted to crawl under the table and my heart was beating about 3000 times a minute David realized what he was doing too. As I was telling him that we didn't drink David realized what he was doing and spoke up also - Bless his heart!!! The guy must of thought we were kidding and starting to give it to us anyway - I finally got almost angry about it and said "We Don't Drink!!" Ugh! The chef went on to give it to a lady at the table directly across from us and the other chef and they went on to do shot after shot after shot then following up with vodka that was on the cart. I've never in my life seen the chefs there drink while they were cooking and have never seen them give it out to the customers - I was astonished and extremely uncomfortable!

I ate very little of my food and was more than ready to get out of there and just go home. Then it hit me later on that night - I'm not uncomfortable with people drinking necessarily because of me but I am uncomfortable with it because of David. I'm scared for him - scared is not even the word - I'm terrified for him! He says it doesn't bother him but I just can't understand that - it can't be good for him to be offered something let alone sit there and watch someone else drink. It makes me stop in my tracks to think about what would happen if he were to relapse again - I don't think I could handle it again and it sends my head spinning. To top if off things have been busy!!!! He's been working extremely long hours and up until last night we've had baseball practice every single day for the last 6 weeks. It's been weeks since he's been able to make it to a meeting and even before that one it was weeks also. I'm on pins and needles and simply scared! Don't get me wrong I don't like to see people drink - it makes me uncomfortable - I know what it has done to my life. It has torn me apart and changed everything around me. I've watched it almost destroy my husband and that's not okay with me. Simply seeing someone pour a glass of wine or fix themselves a drink can give me a panic attack! But for the first time I realized that one of the biggest reasons it makes me so uncomfortable is because I'm scared for David - scared of what it might do to him if he sees it even if he says it doesn't bother him.

It's a daily struggle and one I don't think will ever go away. I still worry and panic and stress over it. The dinner that was supposed to be quiet and enjoyable was anything but! I don't know that I have a desire to go back there - it was such a disaster! Why do people automatically assume that you drink? Why is society that way? It never struck me until we dealt with the issues we have but it is always automatically assumed that you drink. I hate that!




Julie said...

I'm so sorry ya'll had to go thru that on your special day. We don't drink either...never have. In fact my dear hubby who is 39 has never even tasted an "adult drink". I would have been highly offended if I had in your shoes. I certainly hope you guys told the management about the behavior of these "professionals"
In this world it seems it's just the norm that adults (and even teens) drink and the ones of us that don't are the weird ones.
Sad and scary, isn't it?

Alicia W. said...

Bless your heart Stephanie! I can't imagine how that must have felt but can pretty much guess if I were in your shoes. I have family and friends that struggle with drug addiction and if they come anywhere close to contact with it, it will trigger a possible relapse. I respect how you and David took control of the situation and made them understand. HUGS to you sweetie!

Stacy said...

Sorry your dinner didn't turn out so good. I would have talked to the manager about their behavior too.

McCrakensx4 said...

Oh Stephanie...what a terrible situation. I can't believe that they restaurant would allow him to do that while he was working...how awful and to put you in a sitution like that is even worse. My hubby and I don't drink either. Stay strong and I probably wouldn't go back.

Erin said...

Oh Steph . . I am sorry you had to go through that and I think that is weird that they where just taking shots after shots. That doesn't seem right or ok.

I can completly understand how you don't like to be around drinking or watching other people drink. I can not imagine that it does not bug David at all. I don't know how it couldn't.

if you are truly worried then you need to talk to him and see if he can atleast make it to a meeting 2 times a month or whatever you think works. I know its hard with work, baseball and family but like you said you don't think you could handle it if he relapsed again. So as important as baseball is or work is your marriage and him staying away from a drink is much more important.

Here for you if you need. :)

Alicia said...

Oh, Stephanie, I'm so sorry about your night. You're right though, society thinks you're totally weird if you don't drink alcohol. It's so sad. But, I'm glad he resisted. I can imagine how hard it is for him. I'm sure he doesn't want you to stress out over that, or worry. Big hugs!!!

amanda said...

praise the Lord for your and david's standing up and saying you don't drink. i can't believe the attitudes/behavior of the chefs though! wow!!

Kelli @ RTSM said...

I missed your post on Saturday about your anniversary...Happy Belated Anniversary! I'm sorry that your night was so terrible. You have every right to be mad. It sounds like those employees where there to have fun instead of making sure their customers were having a good time. If I were you I would call the manager and let him know. Thanks for sharing about your issues with us....sometimes I think sharing can help you deal with stuff better!

Jen said...

I am so sorry :( I would be uncomfortable too..we don't drink either..Jay's dad was/is a raging alcoholic and has had other addictions, so we just avoid it all together..starts out simple enough, but turns so fast.. praying for you that the panic lets up soon! xoxo

Veronica said...

We have a sushi bar here too and although I've never experienced exactly what you did, I can see how that would happen at a restaurant like that. From my experience, it's not uncommon for the chefs working at the special cooking tables (can't remember the exact word for those right now) to be drinking while cooking. As a matter of fact, when we've gone, my Hubby offers to buy the chef a drink. I think he's said that's how it's done in places like that.

I can totally see how situations like that would give you a panic attack. I would be the same way if I were you.

I guess what I would say is that avoiding places like that would totally be a good thing. Esp right now in your lives. I hope things continue to get better. You deserve to have an awesome marriage and one free of those kinds of stresses. I'll be praying! :)

Sara said...

I love the title of your blog and thus had to stop by.
Delighted to meet you today. I hope you don't mind if I splash around a bit to get to know you. This looks like a delightful spot to slip off my shoes and drench myself in goodness.


He & Me + 3 said...

I don't blame you one bit for having issues with it and panicking just a bit when alcohol is around. So sorry that your night was not as fun because of that.

steffenboysmom said...

Saying a prayer for you today.