We went to eat dinner at a local Japanese restaurant after a very long day at the ballpark. This is one of our favorite restaurants and really on the rare occasion that we get to go out it is usually where we will choose to eat. My parents came over to watch the kids for a little while so that we could eat a quiet dinner together - or not so quiet as it turned out.
We sat at a pair of tables that had two of the most rowdy chefs in the entire restaurant apparently. They played off of each other like you wouldn't believe and were crass - boy it was unbelieveable. From the moment we walked in it was like we were sitting at a table of 18 instead of 8 and it was constant hoopla. I knew from the moment that the chef asked if anyone was celebrating anything and David said it was our anniversary that I was going to puke! From that moment on it all went downhill. The chef made a big deal out of the fact that we were there - really more of a show out of it than I have ever seen in a restaurant!!!! I was dealing with it until I heard him ask the waitress for some rice wine. I immediately had back to back panic attacks and was extremely nervous. David didn't even hear him but when I did I thought surely he's not getting that for us - I've never seen them do anything like that before in this restaurant let alone any other restaurant we've ever been to. That is until the waitress walks out with a large bottle of sake and 3 cups. For those of you that don't know sake is is Japanese liquor that is served hot and is very strong!!! I've only had it once - and whoo it'll burn your throat! As I wanted to crawl under the table and my heart was beating about 3000 times a minute David realized what he was doing too. As I was telling him that we didn't drink David realized what he was doing and spoke up also - Bless his heart!!! The guy must of thought we were kidding and starting to give it to us anyway - I finally got almost angry about it and said "We Don't Drink!!" Ugh! The chef went on to give it to a lady at the table directly across from us and the other chef and they went on to do shot after shot after shot then following up with vodka that was on the cart. I've never in my life seen the chefs there drink while they were cooking and have never seen them give it out to the customers - I was astonished and extremely uncomfortable!
I ate very little of my food and was more than ready to get out of there and just go home. Then it hit me later on that night - I'm not uncomfortable with people drinking necessarily because of me but I am uncomfortable with it because of David. I'm scared for him - scared is not even the word - I'm terrified for him! He says it doesn't bother him but I just can't understand that - it can't be good for him to be offered something let alone sit there and watch someone else drink. It makes me stop in my tracks to think about what would happen if he were to relapse again - I don't think I could handle it again and it sends my head spinning. To top if off things have been busy!!!! He's been working extremely long hours and up until last night we've had baseball practice every single day for the last 6 weeks. It's been weeks since he's been able to make it to a meeting and even before that one it was weeks also. I'm on pins and needles and simply scared! Don't get me wrong I don't like to see people drink - it makes me uncomfortable - I know what it has done to my life. It has torn me apart and changed everything around me. I've watched it almost destroy my husband and that's not okay with me. Simply seeing someone pour a glass of wine or fix themselves a drink can give me a panic attack! But for the first time I realized that one of the biggest reasons it makes me so uncomfortable is because I'm scared for David - scared of what it might do to him if he sees it even if he says it doesn't bother him.
It's a daily struggle and one I don't think will ever go away. I still worry and panic and stress over it. The dinner that was supposed to be quiet and enjoyable was anything but! I don't know that I have a desire to go back there - it was such a disaster! Why do people automatically assume that you drink? Why is society that way? It never struck me until we dealt with the issues we have but it is always automatically assumed that you drink. I hate that!